


He Didn't Hear It Snap

by Callisto_HK



Category: NCIS
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Original Character(s), Tony-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-24
Updated: 2017-09-23
Packaged: 2018-11-18 13:59:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11292096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Callisto_HK/pseuds/Callisto_HK
Summary: A case in a small town becomes an eye-opener when things are said in frustration. Now Tony's left to make some big decisions and he's not sure he has any energy left to do that.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote the draft of this story some months back, but I wasn't sure about posting it; this week I found it between some other files and realized I couldn't not try and see what the outcome would be. So, here you go.
> 
> It's AU and Tony-centric of course. And so far, no spoiler alert is needed; but if something comes up later, I'll be sure to let you know. The team still consists of Gibbs, Tony, McGee and Ziva, here.

**. He Didn't Hear It Snap .**

**.**

"Is he really that bad?"

"Who?" Gibbs looked up from the coffee mug in his hand and frowned at his old buddy; he really was tired and frustrated and just wished he could be alone; not in the mood for small talk or even reminiscences.

"You other agent; the one who wasn't there tonight." Rick clarified.

Gibbs thought about earlier that night for a moment before asking, "DiNozzo?"

"Yeah; I guess. He a rookie or something?"

Gibbs took a sip of his coffee and shook his head, "My SFA."

Rick's eyebrow rose. "Forced by the higher-ups?"

"No; why?"

"Well, I don't know;" The other man shrugged, "I mean the way you all seem to view him, one'd think he's either a _rookie_ you were forced to take on your team or if he's your SFA, he was still pushed to your team by someone higher. Definitely not wanted and completely an outsider. And the way your other agents talked about him and how they both refused to have him stay with them in one of their rooms in the motel? It kinda spoke volumes."

"He can be annoying." Gibbs growled.

"Just that?"

"What do you want me to say, Rick? He's annoying; self-centered, shallow and just a womanizer. He never shuts up; _never_ ; and what pours out of his stupid mouth is pure crap. He's full of inappropriate jokes and never thinks of anyone else but himself. So excuse us if none of us wanted to bunk with him for the night; he can be a nightmare on the best days and this definitely hasn't been the best of days." Gibbs was too irritated about their case and everything going on to even think about what was coming out of his own mouth.

"Wow; Gunny! Why do you keep someone like him around? Never pegged you as one who suffers fools gladly."

"Good at his job. Need him." Gibbs gritted out. "Won't stop him if he walks away, though."

"Stockholm syndrome!" Rick announced and shook his head. "Still; don't know how you can stand someone like that. Glad you warned me before I could offer him a bed."

"Would've shot you myself if you'd done that."

.

Unbeknownst to the two men talking in the kitchen, a lone figure who'd entered the house minutes earlier, quietly walked back out without making any noise.

Feeling numb and bone-tired, the man got into his car and drove away. He didn't have an exact destination; but he knew that with no room available in the only motel of that small town, he couldn't find a place to crash this late. So, driving to the deserted road out of the town, he parked his car under a tree, locked the doors and closed his eyes. It didn't matter if he didn't have a bed to sleep in, that night; he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep, anyway. With the things he'd heard out of his boss' mouth, he knew for sure that his mind wouldn't shut up now.

He had a lot to think about; the things he'd accidentally overheard had certainly been an eye-opener and he wasn't sure if he was hurt because once again he'd been rejected by people who he'd thought of as friend and family or because he'd, once again, chosen the wrong set of masks to hide behind and had, in the process, pushed people so far away that they deemed it right to talk about him with strangers behind his back and in a way that'd make him look like a total nuisance and a jerk. Or maybe that's what he'd become! In order to keep himself from getting hurt, he'd become a nuisance, annoying people to death with merely his presence and then had ended up getting hurt anyway.

Damn; he'd never get it right! He couldn't blend in right with the others, no matter what he did or what way he chose; he just didn't know how much the right amount for joking, bending or trying was. He always tried too hard and at the end, always found himself alone or left behind; either after being betrayed by a partner; or left at the altar or thrown out of house... And in this newest case, he was being merely tolerated because apparently he was good at his job. At least, that was something. Because once he walked away again, he'd need something to focus on and keep himself floating; his job had to be that thing, since he knew he had to start over somewhere else, with a new set of rules and masks; the old ones were useless and burnt now.

By the morning, the only thing that Tony DiNozzo was certain of, was that he needed to leave this job; this team, this agency; this city! Heck, he'd leave this country and this continent if another job was available in Europe; but one way or another; this would be the last case he worked on, as a part of Gibbs' team.

When it was closed, once they were back to DC, he'd type his resignation letter; add the amount of vacation he owned to it so he wouldn't be forced to work the mandatory two weeks before leaving and then walk away without a word. Not that it mattered if he'd talk about his departure in advance; Gibbs had stated clearly that he wouldn't be stopped if he walked away; still, he preferred to do it quietly, maybe that way he could preserve a little bit of his dignity; whatever was left of it.

**.**

**.**

**TBC ...**

**.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, yes, I know things wouldn't have happened this way on the show; which is why it's an AU and a fanfiction; the little bit of exaggeration must be allowed, though; to highlight the wrongness of what did happen, even if it wasn't this overemphasized; because let's face it, semblance of this did happen as Gibbs has proved he wouldn't find it wrong talking about Tony behind his back when he's frustrated.
> 
> Let me know what you think, though? Do I continue?
> 
> .
> 
> P.S. I haven't forgotten about that Kid-AU fic and I'm not done with it. I'll go back to it, soon. Thanks for your support there.
> 
> .
> 
> Except for all the mistakes, I own nothing!


	2. Chapter 2

Armed with a cup of strong coffee for Gibbs, Tony waited in his car in front of the house belonging to Gibbs' friend.

Rick Lang had been an old friend of Gibbs; they'd served together many years ago and, apparently, had stayed in touch after they'd both left the Marine. The call about their dead PO had come from Rick. In fact, he'd known that Gibbs was with NCIS and before the locals could decide whether they wanted to involve the feds or not, Rick had already called Gibbs and the Lead Agent had taken Ziva and McGee with him to the town and left Tony behind to coordinate things from the base; that had been why everyone already had a place to stay at for the night, except Tony. He'd joined them a day later and now he was here, wishing he'd never come.

Waiting for Gibbs gave the ex-cop enough time to go over his notes to make sure they were flawless. He had a hunch and was pretty sure that the little mismatch between the words of the witnesses that he'd picked on would break their case open. He hadn't been there when the initial investigation and interviews had taken place and was glad that the sleepless night had led him to read through the whole thing; because, clearly, everyone else had missed the discrepancies in the witnesses' reports.

Not surprised that no one had wondered where he'd spent the night or how he'd found the time to read through the case and the interviews, throughout the day, Tony kept quiet and focused on the job at hand.

By evening that day, everything was over.

Tony's insight actually did break the case open and even though the culprits, bunch of low level drug dealers didn't come down easily, they were all handled in about half an hour. Shots had been fired, a cop had been injured and two of the dealers had been killed, but the other two had been arrested and were being held in separate police cars, waiting to be transported back to the police station and later to DC and the Navy Yard.

Once they were done, Tony had volunteered to take the evidence back to DC and start the reports as the others stayed back to make sure everything was clear on their end.

"Wow, you guys are good." Rick said the moment he found Gibbs alone.

"DiNozzo has a keen eye for detail." Gibbs was one to give credit where credit was due.

"Maybe it's worth the constant headache then." Rick said, referring to the talk they'd had the previous night.

Gibbs frowned with confusion before he remembered he'd said some nasty things during that talk. "He's a great agent. The best I've ever worked with."

"Must be; if you're willing to keep him around despite being so horrible."

Gibbs was slightly taken aback; Rick was usually a nice guy and didn't judge people so easily and he sure didn't use negative adjectives to describe people like that. Had Gibbs' words influenced his opinion of DiNozzo that badly?

"He's really not that bad." The Agent amended. "In fact, he's a great man. I was just frustrated and said things."

"So he's none of the things you and your other agents said about him?" Rick asked with a raised eyebrow.

Hating to be forced to own up to a mistake, Gibbs sighed with annoyance; glad that at least Rick was alright and easy to talk to, since he was an old friend and knew many things about him, his past and his personality. "No. He's one of the most selfless men I've ever seen; he always puts everyone else before himself and even though his father was loaded and kept pushing him to follow his footsteps, he chose to become a cop because he wanted to help people and make a difference."

"Why wouldn't you or the others want him to share a room with him then?" Rick was curious.

Gibbs rolled his eyes. "I just wanted to be alone. Don't know about McGee and David, though; they like to team up against him sometimes; but while he talks almost constantly, even his yabba yabba is usually helpful to cases and I do rely on it; his mind just works differently; he sees outside the box and is usually, at _least_ , one step ahead of us."

"Doesn't sound like someone who's shallow."

"Shallow?" Gibbs frowned, had he really said that? He couldn't remember. "He's anything but that; he has so many deep layers that after so many years of working with him and having him around, I have yet to know him completely. He's a great agent, and he's an even better man." His eyes then narrowed, _"You_ haven't taken my words from last night for it, though." He added when he saw the look of knowing in the other man's eyes.

"I was a profiler, Jethro. I still am. I do this for a living; of course I didn't instantly believe it when you said those things. I know how you're when you're frustrated."

"Then why?" Gibbs was now really annoyed; this was precisely why he avoided psychologist as much as lawyers. It didn't matter if they were your friends, they always studied you and chose to complicate things with words.

"I saw you slapping him over the head and heard how the others talked about him and how you didn't mind them using derogatory words like that; but I also saw how sharp Agent DiNozzo seemed and how uncertain he seemed under those bright grins; something I'm sure you've noticed."

With keeping quiet and drinking his coffee, Gibbs showed that he was listening; he could've walked away if he didn't want to continue this conversation, after all!

"So, I asked you about it last night and you just made it worse."

"So you asked again today that the case was solved."

Rick shrugged with a grin; "Figured you'd be more of a human now."

Gibbs snorted.

"Jethro; it might not be any of my business; but the man pretty much solved the case single-handedly and didn't even wait around to gloat over it; he left as quickly as possible. It's clear he's gotten the hint with the three of you treating him the way you did."

When Gibbs winced slightly and averted his gaze, Rick realized that this hadn't been an isolated incident; and really, how could it be?

"Unless, this is a normal occurrence between you all?" He tilted his head.

"He knows we've got his back." Gibbs growled.

"Does he? Is that why he left like that? And really, do you? Have his back I mean; you clearly didn't have his back when his teammates were trash-talking about him without him being present to defend himself... And tell me, where did he spend the night? Because I know for sure he couldn't have found a room in the motel; it's always full during the weekend."

Gibbs thought about it and realized that he didn't like what he was remembering; Tony was clad in his last day's clothes and he'd put it to him not having anything extra to change to, but now that he was thinking back, it more seemed like he hadn't had a place to change at. And just when had he found the time to read all those reports and pinpoint the problem to crack the case? Where had he stayed last night, really?

Rick rolled his eyes and for the umpteenth time he wished he could knock some sense into his friend's head or make him see the light just by shaking him! "So, you always take out your anger on him?"

"He knows how to take it and let it slide." Gibbs muttered like it'd excuse his wrongdoings. "But he knows how highly I think of him."

"Didn't seem like it to me." Rick decided to shake the other man out of his stupor. "And what you do, it's harassment, Jethro! If not abuse! Just because he takes it and never says a words doesn't make it right. And really, I'd love to have a talk with him; there must be a reason he takes it without saying anything back or doing anything about it; why is he so used to it that he doesn't protest? It's not something people would usually tolerate; not when they have other options and could easily deal with the problem or walk away." Now it seemed like Rick was just thinking aloud; analyzing the situation, while staring down at his shoes with his hands on his hips, forgetting that he'd been talking to Gibbs a moment ago.

Gibbs was about to protest about the things his friend was saying and implying when the Deputy approached them. "Agent Gibbs! Sheriff Kings wants to know if Agent DiNozzo is alright; I can't find him anywhere, do you know where he is?"

"He's already left for D.C." He answered gruffly; what the hell did the Sheriff care for his agent? "Why should he not be alright?"

"Uh, he was shot, Sir. He refused to go to the clinic, though. He told the Sheriff that he was fine and that he'd take care of it later." The woman said, sounding like she was wondering how the agent wasn't aware of the situation.

Cursing under his breath, Gibbs didn't know who he was more pissed at; DiNozzo for hiding his injury, the Sheriff who knew about it or himself for not noticing anything when the Sheriff had.

"Damn." Rick cursed, too. "Where was his injured?"

Deputy Olson shook her head, "Not sure, really. I haven't been there to see it myself."

Grabbing his phone, Gibbs called his SFA's number. "DiNozzo, where are you?" He barked the moment the call was answered.

Rick leaned a bit closer to hear the other end of the conversation as well. As he did, he heard the younger man's voice saying that he was almost at the Navy Yard. It'd been over three hours since he'd left and they weren't that far from D.C., so it was no wonder he was there already.

"And what possessed you to decline medical attention when you're injured? And why in the hell am I hearing about it from the Deputy instead of you?" He was seething now.

Tony's uncertainty was clear in his voice even over the line. "It was nothing worth mentioning and I've already taken care of it."

"DiNozzo!"

"Gibbs! I wasn't hiding it. I would've mentioned it in my report! It's just a scratch; nothing to talk about." Now the other agent sounded weary.

"Where?" Gibbs asked succinctly.

"Side; right below the vest. Just a graze. Anything else, Boss? 'Cause I'm back at the Yard and I'm gonna get to work if that's it."

"See Ducky! I want his opinion." And with that Gibbs cut the line.

"Wow; no wonder he didn't mention it." The officer was clearly not used to this kinda rapport between officers.

"You've got something to say, Deputy?" Gibbs growled impatiently, which sent the young woman away without saying anything else.

"Gotta agree with Sherry. With that much love, it's a wonder he even stays around you."

"Goddammit, Rick! You know this is who I am and so does he! DiNozzo's worked with me for years; he knows I worry when he gets injured, doesn't mean I'd coddle him."

"Whatever you say, man!" Rick raised his hands.

"And stop psychoanalyzing me and my team. We've survived this long without a shrink."

"Which must be the world's biggest mystery and wonder." Rick rolled his eyes. "Fine! Your life, your way! Just don't be surprised if you wake up one morning and find your SiC gone. That man's not gonna last much longer like this. Don't say no one ever warned you." Saying that and not wanting to hear anything else from the pigheaded man, he started to walk away, but then he stopped and looked back at the other man. "Thanks, by the way; Jethro. Appreciate you coming over and taking care of this. Thank Agent DiNozzo for me, too. He really is a great man."

Gibbs' retort for Rick's earlier comment died in his throat; so he just nodded his head and walked towards his own car. Damn; he did need to tone down the gruffness a bit. DiNozzo really sounded worn out. Thank Goodness he hadn't been there the other night when his teammates had refused to invite him to stay with them in their rooms and later when he'd talked to Rick and said those stupid things about the younger man. He didn't know what would happen if he'd heard those things.

**.**

**.**

**TBC ...**

**.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you think now?
> 
> .
> 
> Except for all the mistakes, I own nothing!


	3. Chapter 3

For once, Gibbs wasn't in any hurry to wrap things up and get back to D.C. They spent another day with Rick and made sure things were wrapped up properly there.

By the time they got back to D.C., it was Saturday and they had the weekend off and since their reports were written and Tony had pretty much closed the case with the added reports from Ducky and Abby and had filed the evidence, all Gibbs had to do was to check over the reports and send it to Vance to be completely done with it.

That was why once they got back to the office Tony wasn't around and they didn't exactly expect him to be, either.

Usually, Gibbs wouldn't put too much thoughts into what was done or said; he believed that when he couldn't do anything about it and when it was impossible to take something back, he shouldn't waste his time on it; but this time, he kept thinking back to Rick's comment about DiNozzo and his own treatment and unjust words about him and well, maybe it wasn't true that he couldn't do anything about it. He sure could act more like a supportive partner than a bastard towards the younger man; he didn't know why it came so easily to him to hurt people with his words and why it was even easier to aim those words at DiNozzo; he wasn't even sure why it gave him a sense of satisfaction whenever he knew his words had hit home; maybe having Rick around wasn't a bad thing after all; maybe the other veteran could point out a few things for him without him actually opening up and asking about them.

But what he was the least sure about was why DiNozzo actually took it all and rarely defended himself; Tony never spoke up about Gibbs being wrong and unfair unless it was about a case or someone else and why was that? Maybe if the SFA did speak up, Gibbs wouldn't keep pushing; but no, it really wasn't right to blame it on Tony.

After two days of thinking solely about that, Gibbs was ready to shoot himself in the head just to get rid of those thoughts; he didn't know what he should do next; should he make sure DiNozzo was alright and then praise him for his good work in public and put the junior agents in their places when they overstepped their boundaries? Or should he just inquire the SFA about his well-being and then take him aside and rebuke him for hiding an injury and not thinking about his health?

Nah, he definitely couldn't do the latter. He really needed to be less of a bastard; because what if Rick was right and one of these days Tony reached his limits and just left without a word? He knew he'd said that he wouldn't stop him if he did; but that was probably the furthest thing from the truth; not only did the team need Tony; _he_ needed the younger man, too, and wanted him around.

So, why the hell couldn't he be more appreciative of what he had and why couldn't he show it to the man who was responsible for him being less miserable since the day he'd joined his team?

Man, he was probably the worst partner and boss ever, and let's not mention _friend_ ; because at this point, he wasn't sure if Tony saw him as one, anymore. He sure had stopped at nothing to push him away; except on some very few occasions, he'd always treated the younger man like a mere subordinate and he knew by now that Tony was not much of one anymore; just because he'd stayed on his team and was still the SiC to his CO, it didn't mean he was any less qualified than he was! He'd been ready for his own team years ago; they were pretty much equals now.

Yet he didn't like the idea of that and couldn't treat DiNozzo like an equal and maybe the reason behind that was because he was afraid of losing him; maybe if he let Tony and the world know that he was aware of Tony's abilities, of him being actually overqualified for the SFA position, then Tony would take one of the offers that came his way and leave. No, he couldn't have that; he had always feared that and that was partly why he kept treating the younger man like he constantly needed directions; like without those orders and directions he'd be lost. Another reasons, a bigger part of why he acted the way he did for years, was that he was a bastard and enjoyed feeling in control of everything; he knew it and the world knew it; even if no one would ever say it aloud.

That didn't mean he didn't know he was being ridiculous, though; there was only so much one would tolerate and he wasn't sure anyone would buy his acts for much longer; and Tony might put up with him and his loftiness without a word of protest, but by now it was clear what a great agent DiNozzo was; he'd proved that fact every single time that he'd been left in charge and so whoever didn't see that Tony downplayed his abilities, his intelligence and his power, hiding his crucial role on the team, was truly and utterly stupid and ignorant.

Still, old habits die hard!

Damn; he wished solving mysteries like that were like solving cases; he would've been much better at them that way. Only if he knew how close he was to lose this game, maybe he wouldn't have spent so much time _thinking_ and would've acted on those thoughts instead.

.

Monday morning, he decided to go and see Ducky first; that way he'd know about DiNozzo's condition before facing him and would be able to ask him about it without being a bastard.

"Morning, Duck."

"Good morning to you, too, Jethro and welcome back." Ducky smiled as he entered the autopsy and found Gibbs sitting at his desk, drinking his coffee. "What can I do for you this early in the morning, my friend?"

"Just wanted your opinion on DiNozzo's condition."

"Anthony? Why?" Ducky frowned. "What do you mean by his condition? I have not seen him since Friday afternoon."

"Did you check him? How was he?"

"Well, now that you mentioned, he appeared a bit tired and if I was to make an educated guess, I'd say he seemed bothered by something; he didn't look like his usual exuberant self. Did something happen when you were all out of town?"

Gibbs studied the older man for a few seconds before shaking his head; "Physically, Duck! Did you check his wound?"

Now it was Ducky's turn to frown. "What wound? Are you saying he was injured?"

That was all the answer he needed. "I'm gonna kill him!" Gibbs growled before getting up and leaving the autopsy.

He'd read Tony's report and yes, his injury, caused by a bullet, _nothing less_ , had been mentioned there; but it was filed as a minor graze and when it came to his health, Tony was the worst judge, since he never cared about his limits. Gibbs had meant it when he told Rick that for the younger man, _everything_ and _everyone_ always took precedence over his needs and health.

So yes, he was going to kill him for not taking his order seriously and for not seeing Ducky about his injury.

Expecting to find DiNozzo at his desk, he was a bit surprised to find the bullpen empty. He checked his watch and saw that it was past the time that the younger man usually got to work. Shaking his head, he went to his own desk to wait for him there.

It took him a minute or two to notice the envelope on his desk; it wasn't sealed and Tony's handwriting was on it; so without taking any precaution, he opened it and looked inside. There was a key and a folded paper inside. Grabbing his glasses, he opened the letter first and merely seconds later, he felt numb and cold. He was holding Tony's resignation letter - _effective immediately-_ , in his hand.

Swallowing with difficulty, he looked at the key and recognized it as the one to his top drawer. Opening the drawer, he found the younger man's badge and gun and the box that held his medals in the confined area.

The only thing that was running through his head was _'Why? Why? Why now? What's happened?'_

The letter contained no explanation; just a very detached, formal letter of resignation; stating the fact that he was leaving the job and since he had enough untaken vacation time, he wouldn't stay the mandatory time before making the resignation official and at the end, he'd thanked the Lead Agent for the opportunity he was given.

Why would DiNozzo do that? Why would he leave now and why would he leave like that; with no explanation and no word... And just why?

Judging by Ducky's reaction that morning and the lack of hysterical calls and visits from Abby or anyone else, he knew that they hadn't been told anything, either. Clearly, DiNozzo had decided to just walk away like this was one of his old jobs when he'd just up and leave.

Well, he couldn't be more wrong; Gibbs wouldn't let him just walk away and since it was Monday morning and the Director had yet to call him into his office and demand answers about the SFA and his whereabouts, he'd say that this was the only letter and it was obviously expected of _him_ to file it and make it known to everyone else. Well, he wouldn't do that. DiNozzo should've known he wouldn't let him leave just like that.

That thought was running in his head as he threw Tony's letter into the shredder and he suddenly felt his heart rate going up as a new though occurred to him.

Why would DiNozzo choose _now_ to leave and why like that? There was no reason for him to think he could leave a letter so impersonal and walk away without anyone going after him; no reason for him to even _imagine_ that Gibbs wouldn't fight for him or deny his request.

Unless...

Damn; Gibbs had said he wouldn't stop the younger man if he walked away himself; he's said that he kept him around because he was needed for the job, but if he was the one to leave, then nobody would care.

But that's not fair; he'd been angry at the time of saying those stupid things; he hadn't meant it and had said those words only to Rick; no one else had heard him; _DiNozzo_ hadn't been there... He hadn't!

He would've noticed it if the younger man had come back early that night, right? He was a marine sniper, after all.

But apparently he _had_ come back to the house and _had_ heard him. That'd explain the sudden change in the man's behavior and this sudden, impartial letter... Rick had mentioned that Tony couldn't have had a place to stay at, that night; so where had he been and why hadn't he come to ask for directions? Except, he probably had and if that was the case, he must've heard some of the things his boss had spat while he'd been just letting go of his frustration the only way he knew and he must've left as quietly as he'd come, thinking it better to stay away and then leave the team as soon as possible.

Damn him and his mouth and his anger and his frustration. Why had he said those things when he didn't mean them and why hadn't he noticed that they hadn't been alone when he'd said them?

Of _course_ Tony'd think that one single stupid letter would be enough! Of course he'd think it was time to leave and nobody would stop him.

Grabbing DiNozzo's badge and gun, he quickly took the stairs to the parking lot. He needed to get to Tony's place, hoping that the younger man hadn't left the town so quickly. He did have a couple of days of a head start; but unlike his other places, Tony'd made a real home here; he couldn't possibly pack everything and leave in just two days. At least, Gibbs _hoped_ he wouldn't.

And to think that he'd been glad he hadn't said those things in front of an audience! Way to celebrate prematurely!

**.**

**.**

**TBC ...**

**.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- The funny thing is I JUST noticed the similarities between this story and the other one I wrote for that Kid-AU fic! I must be losing my memory or something; why else haven't I noticed I've used some of these things before? Well, too late now; I can't leave it at this point. I gotta finish it; all I can do, now, is rolling my eyes at myself.
> 
> In my defense, I think when I wrote that one, it'd been so long after writing the plot of this story that I've forgotten all about it. Anyway, I'm so sorry, guys. Hope you still keep reading and stay around to see how this one develops; that one was a kid fic with Shannon around; this one is NOT.
> 
> Let me know what you think?


	4. Chapter 4

_Grabbing DiNozzo's badge and gun, he quickly took the stairs to the parking lot. He needed to get to Tony's place, hoping that the younger man hadn't left the town so quickly. He did have a couple of days of a head start; but unlike his other places, Tony'd made a real home here; he couldn't possibly pack everything and leave in just two days. At least, Gibbs hoped he wouldn't._

_And to think that he'd been glad he hadn't said those things in front of an audience! Way to celebrate prematurely!_

* * *

Knocking on the door, Gibbs fought hard against the urge to just use the key that Tony'd given him long ago and enter; he had to show that he'd come to fix things, offering peace, not to be a boar, rushing in and demanding attention and answer! He just hoped that Tony would be there and would open the door; that he wasn't too late already.

Despite hoping to see the door open and also knowing Tony had most probably heard his conversation with Rick and had left because of that, he was surprised and found himself a bit lost when the door actually opened and Tony stood there with a look of confusion on his face, like he hadn't expected to see _anyone_ from his team, let alone Gibbs himself, ever again. And that alone was a punch to the gut.

"Something wrong with my report?" Tony finally asked when Gibbs failed to say anything.

"Can I come in?"

Hesitating only for a moment, he move aside and let the older man inside.

To Gibbs' surprise, the apartment wasn't bare like Tony had been packing. There was a suitcase on the floor by the couch and a duffel bag beside it which was half full; but that was it.

"Gibbs?" Tony sounded impatient as he prodded.

Deciding against showing his hand too soon, Gibbs went for questioning first. "You think you can leave a letter on my desk and just walk away? You think this is one of your old jobs?"

Tony stared at him for some long seconds, his face giving nothing away; "pretty much; yeah."

That wasn't supposed to be Tony's answer and it confused Gibbs. "What's this about, DiNozzo? Why the sudden urge to run?" He wanted to see if he'd been right and Tony had actually heard him or this was about something else; he needed to approach cautiously if he wanted to convince the younger man to stay; no need to give him more reasons to leave if he hadn't actually heard that stupid conversation.

"Not running." Tony avoided the main question, sounding cold and distant. "The time seems right. Or... I don't know, I've got better offers; things have become boring here. I need a change. Take your pick." He shrugged.

"Dammit, DiNozzo! After so many years, you think you can leave without an explanation?"

Feeling drained all of a sudden, Tony walked to the couch and grabbed a shirt, folding it before putting it in his suitcase and reaching for another one; not seeing the point in giving an answer to Gibbs' question when he knew the older man was just angry because things hadn't gone his way and therefore no answer would satisfy him at this point.

Gibbs grabbed the shirt out of his hand. "DiNozzo!"

"I don't owe anyone an explanation. If I wanna leave, I'll leave." Tony growled, grabbing the shirt back. "Look..." He sighed and scratched his temple. "I get it... I get it that it's a bit sudden; but replacing one agent isn't really that difficult. Hell, you don't even need to replace me; give the position to McGee and work a three man team. Problem solved."

The way Tony talked, like his presence didn't matter at all, job-wise or any other way; made Gibbs feel like his resolve to get answers was shaking. "The team needs _you_." He said it, but he silently cursed himself for being so terrible at showing his true feelings.

"No, it does not. The job will be done. You did it before hiring me; I'm sure you can do it after I'm gone, too."

"Dammit, DiNozzo, I don't _want_ to do it without you; I don't _want_ you gone." Gibbs shouted.

"Well, too bad; because you have to... And just why? What's this about, Gibbs? What are you really doing here?" Tony finally snapped. "Yes, I left with just a letter on your desk; but isn't that what you wanted? We both know you've had enough of me." He added the last part while rolling his eyes.

That evaporated Gibbs' anger faster than anything he could remember and he sank into a chair. "You heard." He didn't need to elaborate; now he was sure that Tony had heard what he'd said to Rick and knew Tony would know what he was talking about now.

"That I'm a nightmare and a selfish jerk on the best day? That I can't keep my stupid mouth from running and pouring out stupid things? That none of my teammates can even _think_ of having me stay with them when I have no place for the night? Yes, loud and clear." There was no hint of self-pity or anger in Tony's tone. Just acceptance and resignation, tinted with disappointment, of course. "So, I'm asking you one more time; _what_ are you doing here? Pretty sure you said you wouldn't stop me if I walked away on my own and that's what I'm doing; solving your problem for you."

"I don't know where those stupid things came from. Dammit!" Gibbs muttered brokenly. He didn't know how he could make Tony see that he hadn't meant any of those things. Seriously, how could he do that? He'd said all those things and it didn't matter that he regretted doing it or that he hadn't meant them at all, he'd said them and the younger man had heard. Besides, Tony was right, none of them had had his back when he didn't have a place for the night.

"Where did you spend the night?" He asked instead of trying to convince Tony what he'd said hadn't been what he actually felt; trying to buy some time so that he could find a way to do the convincing part right.

"In my car. Where else?" Tony rolled his eyes and once again went back to his suitcase to put his stuff in it.

"Where are you going?"

"Haven't decided yet."

"When will you come back?"

"To your team? Never." The younger man replied honestly and with no hesitation.

"It's your team, too." He refused to let Tony think it was over.

"Clearly not."

"You're the furthest thing to selfish anyone could be; DiNozzo, none of the things I said was true."

"Oh yeah? And I'm supposed to believe you now?"

"You know I didn't mean those things." Gibbs finally said, sounding desperate.

"No, I really don't."

Damn, by being so nonchalant and keeping packing like he was just leaving for a vacation, Tony was quickly becoming the first person to lead him to some sort of panic attack; he wasn't sure what the thing he was experiencing was, but he knew his thoughts were all over the place and he was losing his cool over not knowing what to do.

"Tony!" He called out desperately. "I didn't mean them. OK, you're right, we didn't have your back, we were selfish; but you can't leave and it's not just because you're needed on the team; you're needed in our lives; I can't replace you. I was just mad, alright?"

"I've seen you mad, before, Gibbs." Tony finally looked up from his suitcase and at the older man. "Yes, you've said things before and sure, you always find me your perfect target; but enough is enough. I refuse to stay in a place where I'm so unwanted that my boss complains about me to a stranger and everyone on my team acts in a way that even that said stranger can say that I'm not wanted. Thanks for coming by and everything; I really didn't expect you to do this much for me; but I believe it's the right thing to do and my mind is set."

"You have every right to be upset; but you gotta know that I didn't mean any of those things and you gotta know the team just won't be the same without you; nothing would be the same without you."

Tony didn't even pause in his packing; it was like he wasn't even hearing Gibbs talk and it made the older man want to grab him by his shoulders and force him to listen, because apparently he really was starting to panic; but he knew that would just backfire. He had to find another way and he had to do it fast.

**.**

**.**

**TBC ...**

**.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, I probably won't be able to update for a month or so, since I'm going away for a project. I might not have a proper access to the Internet; my mobile data is limited and so is my free-time (not that the latter is anything new). I apologize in advance and hope you're still willing to read this when I'm back.


	5. Chapter 5

_Tony didn't even pause in his packing; it was like he wasn't even hearing Gibbs talk and it made the older man want to grab him by his shoulders and force him to listen, because apparently he really was starting to panic; but he knew that would just backfire. He had to find another way and he had to do it fast._

* * *

"Rick is a psychologist." The older agent decided to be open and honest for once; it seemed to be his last option and this was way too important; he couldn't afford to lose now. If the day had come that Tony wanted to leave because he was offered something huge that he couldn't resist -because that's what he deserved-, then Gibbs would've supported him and let him go from the team, not from his life, mind you, just the team and for something bigger; but he couldn't let that happen when Tony was leaving because he'd been an insensitive, abusive bastard; there; he'd at least admitted it to himself.

"He knows I didn't mean any of those things, and not just because I told him so the next day. He knows because he knows me well and he's a great profiler and he'd studied me and you and everyone else before any of this could happen and in fact he gave me a lecture the next day. He called me abusive and harassing. He's the one who gave me the wake-up call; reminded me that we haven't had your back and that you might walk away one day because I have my head shoved up my ass." Shaking his head, he suddenly fished his phone out of his pocket and called Rick's number, putting the phone on speaker.

Tony was watching him with a frown, trying to decipher the sudden change in the behavior of the man he thought he knew.

The call was answered after the fifth ring. "Miss me so soon, Gunny?" Rick's amused voice came from the other end of the line. "Or is there something wrong with the case you just wrapped here?"

"DiNozzo left." Gibbs said without pleasantries, speaking like he was alone.

"What?"

"He left, Rick. Found his letter of resignation on my desk this morning. Effective immediately."

"Damn!" The other man cursed. "I told you! I told you this'd happen. Didn't I?"

"Didn't call you to get an _'I told you so.'_ " Gibbs growled.

"Then what the hell did you call me for?" Rick growled back. "Did you say anything to him when you got back home?"

"No! Didn't even see him. He was gone by the time we were back."

"Then why now? Why so sudden?" Rick sounded confused. "I mean I know I told you this would happen soon with the way you were harassing him, but even _I_ didn't seen it coming this soon. People don't get over their Stockholm syndrome so suddenly!" The last part was said in a mocking tone.

"Stockholm syndrome?" Gibbs frowned.

"That's what I said the night we talked!" The other man reminded him.

"Thought you were mocking me." Gibbs muttered.

"Well, I was. But I could also see you were just blowing off some steam and thought that if he's willing to stay by your side and take it, he must be the real one suffering from it. It _must_ be that, you know? If he's staying despite everything he gets from you guys. Why else would he take it and not say a word?" After a pause, he continued, "seriously, though, what could lead to this sudden departure? Was it because none of you had cared enough to make sure he had a place for the night?" Rick kept going. "Man, wish he'd come by the house. I would've offered him a room if he had."

"He did come." Gibbs said curtly, keeping his eyes on the floor, feeling pretty much like a scumbag for the things he'd said and done. He knew DiNozzo could take care of himself and usually retaliated when his teammates made him the butt of their jokes, but he was never cruel and never indifferent and uncaring towards any of them and that's why what they'd done was wrong on so many levels.

"He did?" Rick sounded confused. "When?" He paused. "Wait a second; you mean to tell me he'd come back and heard your stupid words? Is that why he left? Man, I can't blame him! I would've left if I were in his shoes, too. Although, _I_ would've kicked you in the groin with all I had and _then_ left. Damn shame he didn't do it."

Tony almost snorted at that and Gibbs just growled.

"Jethro..." Rick called and went quiet.

"What?" The mentioned man frowned.

"How do you know that he'd stopped by and heard us? You're not telling me that you _knew_ he was there and still said those things; are you?"

"Dammit, No!" Gibbs snapped. "You heard me the day after. Did I sound like I've meant those stupid words?"

"You sounded like you were damn proud of him but didn't know how to show it because you're a bastard by nature."

"True." Gibbs muttered.

"So, he sneaked up on two ex-military men? Either, we're getting old and rusty." Rick lamented, "Or he's damn good."

"He's damn good."

"What are you gonna do now? Tell me you're gonna go apologize. And you didn't tell me why you think he's heard us."

"Gut feeling." Gibbs answered, only half lying about how he'd found out. "And you really think after what I said, he'd even talk to me? Or would come back?"

Now he looked up and locked his gaze with the subject of his talk with his old friend; the younger man had been listening to his conversation silently.

"I screwed up, Rick." Gibbs sighed, his eyes still on Tony.

"Damn right you did, Gunny." The other man confirmed, "Maybe I should come over there? I mean I'm way better than you are with this whole talking thing. Especially about feelings and that kinda stuff."

"No kidding. That's why you're a shrink and I'm a Fed now."

"I can tell him what you said afterwards and that I haven't believed a word you said in the first place; not even for one second." Rick went on, not paying attention to what Gibbs'd muttered. "I'm coming then; you just came over here because I called you; the least I could do is pull you out of the mess you've created for yourself."

Gibbs was silent, his eyes on his agent; tilting his head to the side, he silently asked Tony if he'd need the extra help to change Tony's mind.

Looking down at his suitcase and then up at Gibbs, Tony frowned and looked away; clearly he didn't want anyone else involved and the things he'd just heard had been enough from Gibbs' friend, but that didn't mean he was suddenly all willing to stay.

Seeing the truth behind that look, Gibbs felt his heart sank; to his friend, though, he said, "I don't think that'd change anything at this point. Thanks, though; I owe you one."

"What?"

"You helped more than you know. I think I gotta take it from here."

"Well, it sure would mean more coming from you; but if you're gonna ruin it further because you can't open your damn mouth to say something nice, even when it's the truth, then I'd say keep the mouth shut and let the professional handle it."

"I got it."

"Whatever you say, Gunny." Rick sighed. "I just hope it's not too late. I just saw him in action and only for a short time and I already know he's a good man; and definitely good for you. Hope you can keep him."

"Me, too, Rick. Me, too." Gibbs sighed. He ended the call the way he'd started it; abruptly.

Tony's head was down to his chest and with his forearms on his laps and his shoulders slumped, it was clear that he was doing some serious thinking.

"Now you know what Rick thinks and what I said afterwards. What I actually think of you." Gibbs said, he hadn't mentioned to Rick that Tony had been listening, knowing that this way their talk would be genuine and whatever Rick said, Tony would know was the whole truth.

And Tony did know now. He just wasn't sure he could go back. He'd made his mind and... Well, he just wasn't ready for this.

"Take a few days. Go somewhere warm and relax." Gibbs suggested. "But when you feel you're ready to be around me again, then come back. Don't stay away for good."

Tony looked up. "Gibbs, look; I know now how you feel and everything and thanks. But the fact remains that none of you could tolerate me for even one night and all of you thought it alright to say things behind my back that made someone, who didn't even know me, think I was a real jerk. I really think it's time I found a new place to start over."

Gibbs felt a pain in his chest; Tony was still thinking about leaving. _'Open your damn mouth and say what you actually think, dammit.'_ He heard Rick's voice in his head. "I get it. I do; but what if I promise to be a better friend?"

"A better friend?" Tony snorted bitterly. "Gibbs, you're not a _bad_ friend; you're just not my friend at all."

 _'What?'_ Gibbs frowned and winced slightly. That was exactly what he'd been afraid Tony'd think, wasn't it? "I know I haven't acted like one for a long time." Gibbs conceded. "But I do consider you a friend. I told you, it's not just about the job."

Tony didn't look convinced.

"I'll _be_ a friend _,_ a better one; _and_ a better boss." A thought occurred to him. "The next time I forgot and took my anger on you, come to my place and kick me in the groin; but don't leave."

Tony's eyes darkened; ' _was this just a joke to Gibbs?'_

Gibbs quickly caught the change of mood and realized his mistake; ' _man he really had bad timing and sucked at lightening the mood!'_ "I'm not making a joke out of this situation. Just saying-"

"What?" Tony stopped him mid-sentence. "That I can come kick you in the balls and then forget you've been an ass? Or am I supposed to pretend that when you get like that again, you'd actually _let_ me get _anywhere_ near you to kick you and then live to see the next sunrise?" Tony snorted mirthlessly. "Gibbs, we both know this is who you are and you're unwilling to change-"

"I'm not!" Gibbs interrupted him this time, "I told Rick that this is who I am when he was pointing out my mistakes, but I'm telling you, I'm _not_ unwilling to change when I know I've done something so wrong that it-"

"Years!" Tony sighed, cutting the older man off again. "Let's say you _are_ willing; for the sake of argument; but, Gibbs, it's been _years_ since you actually respected me enough to-"

"I _never_ stopped respecting you."

"Could've fooled me." Tony sneered. "And _everyone else_ , for that matter."

"Dammit, I know!" Gibbs shook his head, but didn't raise his voice; wise enough to realize if he wanted to prove he could change his behavior, he had to start from now. "I know, Tony. But, I _never_ stopped respecting you; if anything my respect for you has just gone up over the years; I just stopped showing it to your face because I thought you knew it."

"And how exactly was I supposed to know that?"

**.**

**.**

**TBC...  
**

**.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Abrupt halt; I know. But I had to stop here or it'd get too long. I'm almost done with the next chapter, though. So hopefully I won't keep you waiting for too long.
> 
> Thanks for your patience and sorry for the long wait.
> 
> Let me know what you think of this one?
> 
> .
> 
> Except for all the mistakes, I own nothing!


	6. Chapter 6

_"I never stopped respecting you."_

_"Could've fooled me." Tony sneered. "And everyone else, for that matter."_

_"Dammit, I know!" Gibbs shook his head, but didn't raise his voice; wise enough to realize if he wanted to prove he could change his behavior, he had to start from now. "I know, Tony. But, I never stopped respecting you; if anything my respect for you has just gone up over the years; I just stopped showing it to your face because I thought you knew it."_

* * *

"And how exactly was I supposed to know that?" Tony raised an eyebrow, looking honestly intrigued.

Sighing, Gibbs shook his head; "You've got a point."

"No, Gibbs!" The younger man rolled his eyes. " _That_ is not the point. The point is that you've been acting like this for years and breaking a habit is hard for even normal people."

"So I'm not normal now?"

"You're by far the most stubborn man I've ever met." Tony shrugged.

"You haven't met yourself."

"Oh, but I have!" The younger man replied with a bitter smile. "How many times have I stepped back or given up on an idea for your sake? How many times have I given in even when I knew you were wrong or were just being a bastard?"

Gibbs winced slightly; that had actually happened a lot and Gibbs had always counted on it and had enjoyed being able to do what he'd wanted.

Shaking his head, Tony sighed, "I don't need reassurance that I'm needed or wanted or stuff like _that_ ; I don't want pats on the back or _'good jobs'_ at every turn. I'm not gonna lie; at some point I did want that, too; but I stopped looking forward to getting it a long time ago; years ago, really. I finally realized that no matter what I do, it won't be good enough for you or the others and then I stopped caring because I'm doing my best and I don't do it for you or them; I do it because I believe people deserve justice and I want to make a difference." He noticed Gibbs frowning and trying to hide a cringe when he said he knew he'd never be good enough in their eyes and therefore had stopped caring about their opinions; but he honestly didn't care, so he kept going, "For years, now, all I've wanted was some respect and when my superiors can't give me that, I can't expect it from my subordinates."

"You do deserve it and I will give you that." Gibbs nodded; "And you're more than good enough, DiNozzo. You're one of the bests the agency has. The best I've ever worked with." He sounded strange, like he couldn't believe he'd conveyed a different message with his actions. "I respect you and I can promise to do a better job showing it; and when I forget and act like a crazy man, as the team's SFA, you're allowed to call me on it."

"I am, huh?"

"In the middle of the bullpen."

"Right." Tony snorted. "And then what? Have you yell at me at the top of your lungs, saying that if I have a problem with _your_ way of leading I know where the door is?"

"I won't do that." Gibbs protested.

"And what would stop you now? That's always been your way, before."

Gibbs was at his wits' end; it was clear that Tony had reached his limits and wouldn't settle for empty promises; not that he was making any empty promises, mind you; he just knew that with years of acting like a bastard towards the younger man, Tony had every right not to believe him now. "You're not a classic subordinate, DiNozzo; everyone knows of your backbone. I know why you've never questioned me in public and I'm grateful, but I'm telling you, if I ever get out of line again, you show that backbone in public; make it clear what you think of my actions and behavior. You know how not to back off; use that knowledge."

"You do what you want anyway; you always do." Tony pointed out. "Once something new comes up; once this is over and you get your way, you'll forget this ever happened or you _pretend_ you've forgotten and then you expect me to become your loyal St. Bernard again; and guess what Gibbs, I'm _not_ a dog." He gritted out the last part.

Gibbs winced slightly at hearing that, but didn't give in. "I know I demand to get my ways when it comes to the job; but I promise you to listen better when you tell me something even about the job." Gibbs replied firmly, "This is important to me, DiNozzo, alright? This is more important than my pride or I wouldn't be here, using so many words, asking you to give me another chance. You deserve respect, more than most people I know and I'll give you that and I'll do what I should've done years ago; from the get-go; I'll make sure everyone knows the chain of command is not just about me; you use your rank and your years of experience with the junior agents if it's needed and I'll make sure there will be repercussions if they don't respect it and you."

Tony sighed, working his jaw, but not saying anything; part of him felt like he was already sounding like a broken record.

"Look, I've already shredded your resignation letter; couldn't stand the thought or possibility of not having you back. And here," He took the badge and gun from his waistband and put them on the table in front of him. "Your stuff! Special Agent DiNozzo, your resignation is not accepted; we can't afford to lose you." He said with as much authority as he could muster at that moment. "You can take as long as you need, to think and relax and regroup; but I expect you back."

"I can just hand my letter to Vance, you know that." Tony said, this time sounding just amused.

"True; but I'm asking you not to do that." It actually did sound like a request, and as if that wasn't enough, Gibbs added the next baffling part. "Please."

"Gibbs..." He closed his eyes and counted to ten in his head, "You've got no idea how much I appreciate you coming here and saying these things-"

"But?"

"But I really believe it's past the time I left."

 _'Too little, too late?...'_ Gibbs thought ruefully. "Why?" His voice was too quiet when he finally managed to voice what was being repeated in his head.

"All the things I said." Tony shrugged. "If I hadn't stayed this long, things would've never gotten this out of hand. I gotta find somewhere else; somewhere I can get the respect I deserve for my years of service and experience without having to demand it; somewhere new."

The realization hit Gibbs. "You said you didn't know where you were going." He eyed the suitcase like it was a traitor, taking his SFA away from them.

Tony knew Gibbs had caught up. "I don't. At least, I'm not sure, yet; I'm just leaning towards one of the offers."

"Where?"

"FBI. Richmond's field office. I was offered a supervisory position."

"Tony-"

"I can't take it anymore here, Gibbs. I just-"

"What do I tell the others?" Gibbs asked, his tone showing his pain.

"Whatever you want; they wouldn't care much."

"Dammit, DiNozzo; you know that's not true." He actually believed it, because he knew the junior agents thought Tony'd never leave the team and therefore they felt free to do anything they wanted.

"No, Gibbs! _You_ know that's _totally_ true and honestly, I don't give a damn what they think or want anymore."

And the Lead Agent couldn't blame him for not caring what the junior agents thought or wanted; after everything, they had no right asking for anything from Tony. "What about Abby and Ducky?"

"Oh come on, the moment I'm gone they'll forget I was there. It's what the job demands and they're great at their jobs." And if that sentence didn't imply that they weren't the best of _friends_ , nothing would.

"They won't forget." He shook his head, "And what about me?"

"Excuse me?"

"Tony, you're different." Gibbs sighed with so much sadness that it took Tony by surprise; and with just that _one_ sentence, he showed the younger man what he meant and why he'd related it to himself. "Don't you see?

Tony started to pace, but then paused next to a wall and leaned against it, "It's always been about someone else; my whole life, Gibbs, my whole life, it's been about this person or that; it's been about you so many times before and I'm just done."

Gibbs was man enough to admit that the other agent was right and that he didn't really deserve another chance from Tony; but he couldn't give up. He just couldn't. He rubbed his eyes tiredly before looking up at the younger man, "It's not just about _us_ ; it _is_ about you, too. You wanna go somewhere else; start anew and demand respect from the get-go; you want to start with new masks and new ways; I know you, Tony; you'll do that and you'll do that to the point of perfection, but that'll hurt you; because to do so, you'll keep everyone at arm's length; but you're a people person and remaining detached from everyone around you will hurt you in the process."

"I can take it."

"I know you can." Gibbs' tone showed he believed it, too, "I'm just asking you not to put yourself through it. I'm asking you to stay and give us, give _me_ , another chance to be there for you and have you in our lives as a bonus. You wanna change your ways? Change them here." Before Tony could say anything, he added, "You deserve that supervisory position; have deserved it for years now and I understand you can't always remain the team's SFA; just maybe a bit longer? So that when you leave and we part ways, it'll be on better terms and we can stay in touch; so that you don't feel the need to distance yourself from everyone around you because _we_ betrayed your trust over and over again."

Silently, Tony mouthed a 'wow' and then shook his head.

Just a few days ago he'd been sure that it was time he left and that not only no one would mind, people would actually be happy to see him gone this time, too. Half a day ago, he was sure he'd made a clean break and was finally free; two hours ago he was a bit surprised to find Gibbs knocking at his door; thinking that the older man was just mad because he hadn't seen it coming. But now...

Now he was kinda glad that he'd just left one letter and for Gibbs and that no one else had seen it or that no one had heard Gibbs saying those things to his friend, that night; because if they had, he knew there'd be _no way_ he'd even _think_ about staying. But the phone call to Rick had changed things; now he knew things that he hadn't known even before he'd overheard the conversation between Gibbs and Rick; things that actually made him question his decision a bit. And then Gibbs had said things about being a _friend -fine, OK, that most probably would never happen-;_ about giving him power to actually use his rank on the team and in the agency and had asked -actually _requested_ \- him to stay; admitting to the mistakes he'd made.

He'd seen more than enough things in his life to not expect a complete change, especially not from Gibbs; but his main reason for resigning had been that he wanted to leave with some dignity, instead of being kicked out and he didn't want to stay any longer when his boss talked about how sorry he was to have someone like him around; those were things that now he knew for sure weren't true.

So, with all those things in mind, he supposed he could stay; he'd dealt with worse before and if Gibbs was actually willing to be less of a bastard, then he could definitely deal with the others, making sure things would change.

At the same time, some of his reasons for leaving were still valid; he did believe he'd stayed too long in one place and that was never the right thing for him.

_What was he supposed to do, then? Damn!_

He couldn't decide right now; it was too much. He needed to spend some days alone, contemplating the situation; and if after that he still couldn't stand the idea of continuing with NCIS, he could still leave; he didn't have to give his answers to that job offer for another two weeks.

"I'm gonna need some time." He announced. "I'll think about it. That's all I can promise."

Gibbs' eyes were pained, but he nodded his understanding. "Like I said, take as long as you need. I'll fill in the forms for you. Just let me know how long you'll be gone."

Thinking for a few seconds, Tony shrugged. "I'll start with two weeks."

"You'll let me know?"

"I will."

Feeling like he'd done all he could for the moment, Gibbs reluctantly stood up to leave; he just had one last question. "How's your side?"

Tony pulled his shirt up and peeled the gauze away, so the older man could see the injury for himself. It was a gouge and not just a scratch like what the younger man had said, and it was clear that Tony'd used his own first aid kit to take care of it; but, at least, it seemed clean. "Looks like it'd needed proper sutures."

Shrugging, Tony poked the wound, "Got a stapler in my kit; took care of it myself."

Shaking his head at the younger man's lack of concern for his health, Gibbs growled. "At least, put clean gauze on it." He said as the old one seemed tinted a bit with dried blood. "Be more careful with your health, will you?" Opening the door, he stepped outside, but then paused and turned around once more. "So, I'll hear from you?" He asked one last time, merely to calm his frayed nerves.

"You will." Tony confirmed. "Whatever I decide, I'll call you to let you now." He promised; he knew he'd never go over Gibbs' head and leave without telling him, first.

It calmed Gibbs down a bit. "And Tony..." He paused, looking the younger man in the eyes. "I'm sorry."

A tired, but appreciative small smile adorned Tony's face and reached his eyes. It was the one smile that he rarely wore, a genuine one. It strangely made Gibbs proud of himself for bringing that smile to his friend's face and at that moment he realized that he actually enjoyed _this_ feeling, not the one when he said something hurtful that'd hit home, wiping any form of smile from the younger man's face; and he wondered just how it'd _ever_ made him feel satisfied to wipe the smile from Tony's face when the genuine ones made him feel this content and when the younger man had so little to smile genuinely about to begin with. What came next, though, made him happier, bringing a genuinely happy smile to his own face.

Before closing the door, Tony stared him in the eyes and said, "Thanks, Boss."

.

.

**TBC...  
**

**.**


	7. Chapter 7

Ten days; it'd been _ten_ days and Gibbs had yet to hear anything from his SFA and although he'd filled in the forms for a two week vacation per Tony's request, he couldn't help feel edgy the more days passed and he received nothing from the younger man.

He had no idea where his SFA had gone to for some alone time and even though it was contrary to everything he'd ever done or was expected of him, this time, he'd tried to call DiNozzo once and the call had gone straight to voicemail; not that he'd been surprised; he knew the younger man wouldn't want to be disturbed and therefore would turn his phone off; but he still felt disappointed at not being able to get some news.

Despite what Tony believed, everyone had been surprised to find his desk empty the Monday following their short trip; they'd asked him about it and all he'd said was that DiNozzo deserved some time off, so they should mind their own business and stop asking where he was or why he'd taken this vacation so out of the blue.

He was disappointed and mad that things had gotten to this point for him to notice how wrong they were and therefore, without knowing what he was doing, he was letting the two junior agents know what it felt like to be there without Tony playing the buffer.

And like that wasn't bad enough, it was taking them way longer than usual to solve the cases that were coming their way; partly because they weren't focused enough and mostly because none of them had ever been as great as DiNozzo was at connecting the dots and raising seemingly unrelated, strange questions that'd break the case open and even though they'd been forced to work cases without the Senior Field Agent's unique way of thinking before, things had never seemed this slow, annoying and tiresome. In the past, Gibbs had always been sure that he'd have his SFA back soon and that alone had been reason enough for him to not lose his cool too often; that wasn't the case this time, though; this time, he didn't know whether or not Tony'd be back at his desk again and they seemed unable to make any progress with their current case, which meant he was getting more and more impatient and grumpy; consequently both Ziva and McGee felt the SFA's absence more, both because they knew if he'd been there, he'd defuse the tension Gibbs' temper was causing and because they knew that by now, he, most probably, would've come up with some weird ideas to follow a new lead that they'd yet to find.

Abby wouldn't leave Gibbs alone, either. She'd asked and asked and Gibbs was sure that was mostly because she'd called Tony herself and had received a recorded message instead of hearing the voice of her friend. She'd been upset, at first, but when Gibbs told him that Tony'd needed the time off, she'd gone silent and studied him for some long seconds before nodding her head and telling him that yes, Tony did deserve it and that she hoped he was feeling better once he was back.

And later, after reporting what she'd found by going through the evidence of their current case and before he could leave her lab, she'd gone all serious and told him that Tony'd better not want to leave for good for something Gibbs had done!

So, apparently Abby had sensed that something had happened that only Tony and Gibbs knew about; something that had led to Tony taking those days off so abruptly; something that Gibbs knew about and was, therefore, looking both grumpy and worried at the same time.

Ducky seemed to have sensed the same thing; because he kept giving him these concerned looks and had even asked him once whether or not things were going well between him and Anthony; he'd wanted to say yes, that everything was fine, but he couldn't possibly lie and hope Ducky wouldn't see right through it; so he'd just said he hoped so and even though Ducky had tried to make him talk about it, he'd refused to say a thing.

Now, ten days after his long talk with Tony at his place, his gut was churning and he wasn't sure whether it was because it'd been _days_ of radio silence from Tony or because something more sinister was going on and he wasn't aware of it.

He didn't have to deal with that feeling for too long, though, since it was that night, right after he'd gotten home, that he finally received a call from his SFA; finally he could have some answers.

"DiNozzo?" He answered the phone quickly when he saw Tony's name on his screen.

"Hey, Gibbs; this a bad time?" Tony spoke with a hint of hesitancy to his voice.

"No. Just got home." The older man replied reassuringly. "About time you called. Was getting worried." He admitted easily; wanting to show he'd been sincere when he'd said those things back at Tony's place.

The silence lasted too long for Gibbs' liking. "Tony? You OK?"

"I..." Tony finally replied, sounding both surprised and unsure. "I'm OK. Yes."

"Then what's wrong?"

The younger man didn't deny that anything was wrong and that gave Gibbs more reasons to worry. "Umm, sorry I went all silent on you; needed time to think things through."

"Don't worry about it. Told you to take as long as you need."

"Yeah."

"You need more time? That why you're calling?"

Tony's deep sigh was heard from the other end of the line; "Not exactly, but yes, that's why I'm calling."

Gibbs was confused, "What does that mean?"

"Bo-" He paused, "Gibbs!" He corrected himself and with just that one change in his wording, Gibbs knew what the younger man was about to say and he couldn't let him finish.

"No!" He stopped the younger man, "Tony! You're irreplaceable; don't leave like this."

Another sigh, "I can't stay, Gibbs. Thanks for everything, for the talk, for the things you said, but I really can't."

Now it was Gibbs' turn to remain quiet for long seconds; "Why?" He finally asked.

"Not because of you." Tony cleared first. "I just can't stay there anymore. It really is time."

"You've never even _thought_ about leaving before you overheard my stupid words; so it _is_ because of me; not because of some notion that it's time or-"

"I haven't thought about it _recently_." Tony corrected, cutting his boss off. "I've been kinda numb for some time now."

"You-" Gibbs was more confused now.

"Oh, come on, Gibbs! Don't pretend like you don't know what's been going on."

"Why don't you tell me?"

"Because that'd take hours; would make me sound like a whiny little boy and would make _you_ look like a terrible leader for not being aware of the toxic atmosphere of your bullpen." Tony replied, sounding annoyed and sarcastic.

"How long?"

"What?"

"How long have you been thinking about leaving?"

"I did that on and off. It's never been serious." Tony shrugged, even though Gibbs couldn't see it; "Look-"

Gibbs interrupted him, again. "Was it after Kate? When I came back from Mexico like that? After your prolonged undercover? Jenny's Death? Rivkin? When, DiNozzo?"

"For God's sake, Gibbs!" Tony was frustrated and it showed in his voice, "None of them. All of them; why does it matter now?"

"I need to know."

Tony let out a guttural growl and then took a deep breath. "I never wanted to leave after Kate's death; even though I never understood why you let Ziva in just like that." He paused as if he was thinking about something, "Or I thought I didn't understand; I think I do now; but whatever. My point is we were all hurting then; that wasn't a reason for wanting to change my team; if anything, it was a reason for wanting to stay and support you guys. And after you got back from Mexico? I just wanted to deck you then; _repeatedly_! You and everyone else, to be honest! But if I wanted to leave, I would've accepted the promotion Jenny had offered me then. Same about all the other occasions you mentioned; none of them alone made me think about leaving; all of them together and so many other things give me enough reasons not want to stay. You happy?"

"So why can't you stay a little longer now?"

"Gibbs;" Tony sounded incredulous. "I'm... I'm really confused here. I've known you for years; I probably know you better than most people do, but I've never, and I mean _never_ , seen you trying to talk someone out of something. And I appreciate what you're doing, I really do; I just... I'm confused, OK? I don't get it. I told you I'm _not_ leaving because of what you did; so why don't you just tell me what this is about?"

"I never thought you'd leave." Gibbs confessed. "Don't know why; but for some reasons, I've always pictured you there; taking over when I finally retire. Can't think of you gone." Even as he was saying those things, the older man knew how unfair and selfish that sounded; he couldn't really help it, though; he really thought of his SFA as irreplaceable and the best agent he'd worked with and so, he didn't want anyone else to take that position.

Tony snorted. "So you treated me like shit eighty percent of the times because you were sure I didn't have the guts to leave. And taking over after you retire?" He huffed. "Thanks but no thanks; never again am I gonna take over a team with those two as my agents."

OK, Gibbs could understand the last part; but not the first part. That was just wrong. "Nothing to do with the guts!" He protested, referring to what the younger man had said first; "I just-" He wanted to say something about loyalty, but realized that then Tony'd think he was calling him disloyal now that he wanted to leave and no matter what, he couldn't think of Tony as anything but loyal; He knew _they_ were the reasons he was finally leaving and it had nothing to do with loyalty.

"You just what?"

"Took you for granted."

That rendered Tony speechless. Never in a million years had he imagined that there'd come a day when Gibbs would say so many positive things about him and to his face, for that matter; he'd never imagined that Gibbs would show so much concern for anyone, let alone him.

"Everyone keeps asking about you." The Lead Agent informed the younger man when the silence stretched. "Abby's already threatened me that if you don't come back, I have to face consequences and Ducky keeps giving me these reproachful looks."

"Not leaving because of you." Tony repeated one more time; "I'll let them know I'm leaving because I've got a better offer."

"You've been having better offers for years." Gibbs rolled his eyes. "That won't fool them."

"They'll move on quickly enough."

"Doubt it. You're irreplaceable." Gibbs replied; repeating his own words; it seemed like for most of that short conversation, either him or Tony was repeating themselves. "You can expect phone calls every day and even unexpected visits wherever you go."

"Well, I'm not cutting lines; I'd love visits. I'm just stepping up." Tony sounded weird, like he didn't believe there'd actually be any visits or phone calls once he left.

"I understand why you can't come back." The older man finally conceded, suddenly sounding old and drained and if he could see Tony, he'd see how that had surprised the younger man again. "But at least don't leave without a real goodbye." He asked for one last thing, "Come back; talk to your friends here;" And by that, he didn't mean McGee and Ziva, knowing the thing that'd been broken between Tony and them wouldn't be salvageable; at least not overnight. "And let us throw you a proper farewell party, Supervisory Special Agent DiNozzo."

The words were spoken so sincerely that Tony felt his chest swell with pride and joy; and maybe, just maybe, a little bit of sadness. "I owe you a lot, Gibbs." He finally spoke after another prolonged silence, sounding a bit emotional. "And with the things we've talked about... Well, let's say we _are_ parting ways on good terms." He said, referring to what Gibbs had said before he'd left for his vacation. "I know better now what I'm doing and why I'm doing it."

That brought a smile to Gibbs' face; at least he hadn't lost a friend along with the best agent he'd ever worked with. "Congratulations on your promotion; you deserve it."

Tony sounded touched when he spoke, "Thank you... Boss!"

Gibbs smiled wider. "And thank _you_ for all these years. Those bastards are lucky to have you as their boss."

That caused Tony to snore; "I'll send them your way if they even think about complaining."

"You do that." Gibbs laughed. "I'll see you?"

"Yeah. I'll be back in a couple of days." The younger man responded; it'd be for the last time that he was returning as Gibbs' SFA and Senior Field Agent Anthony DiNozzo; but hopefully not the last time as everything else.

"Better not be the last time I hear you say those words."

Tony was pleased to hear the older agent so willing to keep in touch with him; especially since he knew how he treated the people who left his team; ' _out of sight, out of mind'_ usually wasn't just a proverb to Gibbs; but apparently this time he meant it when he said he wanted to stay friends. "I don't intend them to be." He replied and then added, "Richmond's not that far away, anyway." To make sure Gibbs knew he had to go and visit him, too, if he wanted for them to stay in touch.

"And my door is always open for you." The older man reminded his friend.

"So is mine." Tony pointed out.

"Good to know." Gibbs smiled proudly. "I'll make sure to use it."

**.**

**.**

**The End...**

**.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * This is one way to end this story and to be honest, it's my own favorite one; but since my muse wouldn't stop with this story unless I explored the alternate ending, as well, I had to try that one, too.  
> I'm not sure about posting it, though; as I said, I like it this way. You can decide, though; do you want me to post the alternate ending, as well? Or should I just leave the story here with only this ending? (Personally, I think this is a good place to stop.)
> 
> * In any case, thank you all for your support, comments, kudos and bookmarks; hope you've enjoyed this ride; I know you made it a fantastic one for me.
> 
> * Let me know what you think.
> 
> .
> 
> * Again; except for all the mistakes -and the plot of this story, of course-, I own nothing!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: OK, this is the alternate ending I told you about; please, those of you who wanted things to end that way, who wanted to see him leave for good; don't read this chapter and the next one.
> 
> Once again, thank you all for your support and kind words. They mean the world to me and I'm glad you liked this story till the end. (The story IS officially finished; this alternate ending doesn't count!)
> 
> As it's an alternate ending, this happens aftecr chapter 6 and when Tony took some time off to think things over; or well, you could just imagine that the call he made to Gibbs to tell him he was leaving for good never happened that way.
> 
> This one is not a definite end to the story like the last ending; it's more like a glimpse of how things would be from now on.

Being back to work wasn't all that hard; especially after three weeks of being away, thinking about his options and deciding on new plans and rules. He hadn't been wrong to feel that his old masks were burnt for good when that night outside of Rick's house he seriously started to think about leaving.

He had decided against leaving the agency and the team after all; he hadn't been able to walk way after that talk with Gibbs and the very rare, very unexpected and still very unfathomable apology the older man had sincerely offered and to be honest, he did want to leave on better terms if he was going to leave one day; he didn't want to be forced to alienate himself from everyone just because he'd been hurt one too many times by all the people who were supposed to be on his side and if a little longer on this team could give him back some of the trust he'd lost, he was willing to try; and if it didn't, well, he'd just be back to square one; nothing worse than what he already had. The good thing was that when he'd turned down the position that the FBI had offered him, he was told that whenever he got finally tired of ' _serving with those undeserving bastards'_ - _Seriously, that was what they said; verbatim!_ \- the FBI would be happy to have him.

So, job-wise, he felt kinda secure, which meant he truly could walk away whenever he got fed up and this time, he'd do it without hesitation.

Staying with NCIS, however, didn't mean that some things hadn't completely changed for him. He'd needed less than two hours to figure that out, but after the first week of his _vacation_ , he was sure that no matter what, he couldn't look at things the same way he did all these years; he couldn't pretend he was alright and what they'd done to him hadn't hurt; he couldn't pretend they were friends, anymore.

It was true that this hadn't been the first time that he'd been the target of that sort of treatment by his teammates; but good or not, it was the first time that he couldn't just pretend it hadn't happened and go back to normal; something had changed fundamentally; maybe it was the fact that now he'd realized his teammates actually meant every jab they threw at him in his presence; because you might tease someone and say things to their faces but unless you didn't mean it, you wouldn't say those things behind their backs and definitely not to total strangers who didn't know a thing about who they actually were and how they worked; that'd only mean that Tim and Ziva meant everything they said and were truly bothered by his presence and his behavior, which is why things had to change and why Tony knew his old masks were useless now.

He didn't exactly need plans; he wasn't thinking of revenge or retaliation; all he wanted was some peace. He didn't need to be friends with everyone he worked with; friends were overrated anyway!

"You're back." The statement almost startled him in his seat.

"Hey, Boss." He turned around and looked at the older man.

"You didn't call."

"I did when I informed you that I'd need some more time to think."

"That was two weeks ago." Gibbs said gruffly; sounding like he'd been worried and wasn't quite sure how to decipher the younger man's presence now. "And you didn't say anything about your decision."

"Well, I figured being back would be enough of an announcement." He shrugged and was surprised to find a flash of something strange in Gibbs' eyes; it felt like the older man had been looking forward to get that phone call and like he was hurt Tony'd waited this long to let him know what he'd decided. But that look was quickly gone, being replaced by... _fondness_?

Tony stared at him with confusion; he was sure he was seeing things! He shouldn't have spent so much time in the mountains; he had clearly forgotten how to read people.

A small smile sat at the corner of Gibbs' mouth as he nodded his head. "Pleasant announcement."

The other man blinked in surprise. "I... Uh... Thanks, Boss."

"You are back, Tony!" Ziva's voice came from behind him as he had his back to the elevators and he almost jumped in his seat, but quickly and successfully, he hid his reaction as he turned around in his seat.

"Morning." He replied in a monotonous voice, not even forcing it, since he actually felt suddenly all worn out again.

"Does that mean you are done sulking?" She was smirking as she sat at her desk; "Admit it, you left so suddenly because your feelings were hurt that Gibbs left you here and took us with him and you-"

"David!" Gibbs' harsh bark stopped her stupid speech. "I left him here because I needed someone I could trust to take care of things in my absence."

"You could trust _me_!" Now she was pouting and sounding jealous and Tony would've found it funny and worthy of some sarcastic remarks, hadn't he felt so annoyed and yet bored.

Gibbs' snort and sarcastic tone took care of it, though. "With coordination and deciding the best approach from afar? Never."

The look of anger and shock was so obvious that anyone passing their area would've noticed it on Ziva's face; it was never clear what she wanted from the world; one moment she was delighted that she'd accompanied Gibbs while Tony'd stayed behind and the next she was pissed because she hadn't been the one being left behind to keep things going; Tony couldn't care enough to try and figure out what her problem was, so he merely looked back at his monitor and went back to sort through his files.

The Israeli woman frowned at the lack of even a triumphant smirk from the SFA and if she wasn't mad for being put in her place so harshly by Gibbs, she would've realized that things were completely different from what she was used to. She didn't notice, though. All she did was growl something in Hebrew under her breath and send angry glares at both Gibbs and Tony which turned out to be a waste of time and energy since both men seemed unperturbed and uncaring.

Next, it was McGee's turn; he walked to the bullpen and it was clear that he was still half sleep as he didn't notice anything different even by the time he'd reached his desk.

Ziva looked between McGee and Tony with a curious look, waiting for Tony to start mocking the Junior Agent for not being aware of his surroundings; even Gibbs seemed to be waiting for some reaction from his SFA; but Tony just studied the younger man with a frown for a couple of seconds before shaking his head and turning his attention back to his work.

It wasn't until a couple of minutes later that McGee's sudden exclamation interrupted the silence of the bullpen. "Tony?!"

Looking to his right, Tony tilted his head. "Tim?"

"You're back."

Tony just stared at him; because seriously, McGee was being slow, even for someone stating the obvious.

"Where were you?" McGee asked when Tony didn't offer anything voluntarily.

"Took some time off."

Tim opened his mouth to say something but the nature of Tony's statement and the way it'd been uttered rendered him speechless; it wasn't like Tony to just state a fact that everyone was already aware of and to not elaborate on why he'd taken time off, _which was a bizarre occurrence on its own_ ; it was weirder that Tony hadn't said a thing about how his vacation had gone and what exactly he'd done while away.

Ziva wasn't so speechless, though. "Yes, we understood that when you disappeared three weeks ago."

"Didn't disappear. Gibbs knew where I was." Tony answered vaguely with a shrug and returned to his work; for the first time, he didn't feel the need to come up with lies to satisfy their curiosity or to bring some life and energy to the bullpen.

Gibbs was tempted to say that he didn't know _where_ the younger man had been; he just knew he was in an immediate need of a vacation and that was why he'd left so abruptly; but he kept his comment to himself; already sensing the drastic difference in Tony's behavior and knowing the reason behind it.

"OK, who are you and what have you done with Anthony DiNozzo?" Tim asked with a sneer.

Tony didn't even bother to look the younger man's way.

"McGee!" Gibbs barked. "You were already ten minutes late and not aware of your surroundings when you arrived; keep talking if you wanna piss me off even more." Somehow the Lead Agent felt that Tony didn't need to be interrogated like this by his teammates and he figured that the only way to stop it was to keep reminding the junior agents of their places.

Gulping, the younger man shook his head and then nodded and then quickly said, "Sorry, Boss!" He glanced Tony's way, but he, just like Ziva, found Tony's face expressionless, which to be honest, was more disturbing than Gibbs' glare and bark. Sensing Gibbs' glare, though, he quickly let go of that feeling and started up his computer to get to work.

A couple of hours later, a case came up and the team left the building and by the time they were back, it was almost 4 in the afternoon and McGee was pretty much dragging himself to his desk after Gibbs had given him every menial work in the field that he could think of; he knew it was a punishment for his tardiness and unawareness in the morning, but even if the Team Leader had done that with no good reason, McGee knew he couldn't protest.

"Can we order lunch now?" Ziva asked with an edge to her voice; Gibbs hadn't let anyone even think about food while they were out and with the vast area that was now their crime scene and the three dead Privates, they had a lot to cover.

In answer, the Lead Agent only grunted, which was answer enough for her as she quickly grabbed her phone to dial a number, but then paused; "What should I order?"

"Chinese is fine with me." McGee answered tiredly.

"Tony?"

"Nothing for me. Thanks." The Senior Field Agent replied, still standing by his desk and checking the evidence bags.

"What?" "Why not?" McGee and David asked at the same time; Gibbs merely frowned.

"Not hungry." Tony replied. "I'm taking the evidence bags to the lab, Boss." He then announced and walked away.

"Seriously, what's wrong with him?" McGee asked as he watched the older man walking away.

Shrugging, Ziva said, "Maybe he is goating us."

McGee's eyes turned to her. " _Goad_ ing."

"But..." She frowned. "I recently read it somewhere. It means to annoy someone."

Shaking his head, Tim said, "I'm way too tired to think about what you are saying. Ask Tony about it. He's better with languages and stuff."

Gibbs smirked at the unconscious admission the younger man had made; at least, deep down the Junior Agent knew there were areas he wasn't good at; now if only his new-found arrogance would let him acknowledge it, too! Shaking his head minutely, the Ex-Marine got up to go get some coffee; for himself and one for Tony. His SFA clearly needed it.

"Gibbs?"

"Going for coffee."

"What about lunch?"

"Nothing for me, either."

He heard Ziva asking McGee how _'those two'_ , most probably meaning him and Tony; could go on with so little food and sleep, before walking too far away to hear anything else.

**.**

**.**

**TBC...**

**.**


	9. Chapter 9

Tony wasn't sure how to treat Abby.

With Ducky, it wasn't all that hard; he'd always been polite talking to him and didn't have all that many close encounters with him, anyway; so things didn't need a change there; but with Abby? He wasn't sure; she was his friend and had never been like the others; but the fact remained the same that he wasn't playing a game here and this wasn't a new mask that he could put on for one person and take off for another; he was just so tired of his old masks that he was simply unable to use them anymore and that exhaustion was showing now, despite him trying hard to stay cordial.

Truthfully, deep down all he wanted to do around Tim and Ziva was to become another Gibbs; bark at them, not tolerate any jokes or signs of insubordination and make sure they were aware of their places and their ranks; but he wouldn't do that; because first of all, the dynamic of the team wouldn't tolerate it and second, he wasn't one to act like that; no matter how angry or hurt he was; he didn't want to be unapproachable; despite what many thought, he'd never wanted to become like Gibbs; sure, the older man was a mentor to him but he was his own man and had always done the job and lived his life his own way. Being a professional and sticking to business was one thing, but biting people's head off and then becoming frosty was another thing and he didn't like the latter; it just wasn't in his nature.

So, when it came to Abby, he decided to just be himself; at this point, he couldn't hide the fatigue he was feeling and he didn't feel like smiling brightly and acting happy go lucky for now; who knew, maybe with some time, he'd find the energy again and retrieve _some_ of the old masks for actual friends; not for everyone, of course; because some people didn't deserve to be called friends and he wasn't going to ever try to think of them as one, either; but for the others, sure, he might try.

In any case, for now he'd muster all his energy to smile at the right time, but he wouldn't exhaust himself for it; this wasn't an undercover job; he was in his workplace and if he wanted to be able to do his job, he needed to be himself for a while.

As it was expected of her, Abby jumped up and down when she saw Tony and hugged him tightly, wanting to know why he'd left without saying anything to her and asked where he'd been.

The man just sighed and shook his head in response; "it was kinda a last minute thing, Abby." He said, not mentioning that the initial plan had been to leave for good with no goodbyes.

Abby must've sensed that something was different about him; she opened her mouth to demand an explanation but the look in Tony's eyes made her pause and then she saw Gibbd in the doorway behind Tony's back, signing to her not to push and not to ask anything. Luckily, Tony's head was down as he was sorting the evidence bags and he didn't notice anything.

Now she was really worried and wished she'd asked Gibbs sooner about why Tony'd left with no words and not just about where Tony was and when he was coming back. She'd asked those questions every day and Gibbs had always made it clear that he wouldn't answer because it was Tony's business and not hers, but she'd figured that she could always ask Tony when he was back; she hadn't considered that things could be so wrong that Tony wouldn't be his old self and now she regretted not thinking of it sooner.

Nevertheless, she nodded her head and once again threw her arms around Tony's neck. "You OK, though?" She asked quietly in his ear.

Putting an arm around her shoulders, Tony nodded his own head. "I'm fine." Well, that wasn't comforting; Tony always said he was fine and everyone knew when he said that he was nowhere near fine!

"I'm here if you need to talk." She whispered and looked at the door as Gibbs nodded silently and walked away, as quietly as he'd appeared.

"Thanks."

Squeezing him one last time, she let go of Tony. "Well, I can say that you're _not_ fine; but I've got enough energy for the both of us." She smiled brightly at him. "I'll keep us going until you're ready to once again play pretend for the world."

That was surprisingly very insightful of Abby and it filled Tony with gratitude; at least someone remembered that what he was showing the world wasn't his true self. Smiling slightly, he kissed her forehead and wholeheartedly muttered thanks before pointing to the evidence bags on one of the tables and then walking out.

.

When Tony got back to the bullpen, McGee and Ziva were busy eating their lunches; they exchanged a look and decided to once again try to see what the other man was up to.

"So, where did you go?" Tim asked as he shoved more food into his mouth.

"Abby's lab."

Rolling his eyes, McGee huffed. "You know I mean for your vacation."

"Away."

"You are being rather obvious, no?" Ziva asked indignantly. "We know you went away; we were here and you were not. We want to know where you went! And why did you go? Did you go with someone else? A woman maybe? And why did you take three weeks off? That is not like you. You never take time off, why did you suddenly decide to go and for so long?"

Looking up with a frown and a clenched jaw, Tony studied the Israeli woman for some long seconds, which caused Ziva to want to take back all her questions, but stubbornly, she didn't.

Tony really wanted to snap at her; but instead, he opted for an icy tone, knowing it'd be more effective than obvious anger. "All good questions." He replied after he calmed down a bit, "And all private stuff."

"What?" McGee felt his jaw had hit the floor. "Since when?"

"Finish your lunch McGee and get back to work." Tony ordered sternly, not giving in to the temptation of yelling at the younger man. "We've got a case to solve and I'm sure Gibbs wouldn't be happy to find you slacking. My private life is none of your business and totally unrelated to the case."

"Oh, come on!" Tim dropped his food's box on his desk and threw his hands in the air. "Tell us already. Is this some kind of joke? OK, you got us! Now tell us what you are up to."

"Yes, earlier I was wondering the same thing. Are you goating us?" Ziva asked, using the wrong expression again.

When Tony didn't correct her, Tim frowned, but to Ziva, he said, "I told you it's goading." He eyed Tony when he corrected her; the older man's face showed nothing.

"And I told you I read somewhere it was goat." Ziva looked genuinely upset. "Tony, is it not goat?"

"What?" He looked up again with a sigh; these two were set not to let him get any work done today.

"The expression!" She exclaimed. "Goat someone?"

"Goad." Both Tony and Tim said at the same time.

"What about goat?"

"There's no such thing as goat someone." McGee groaned; sometimes it was really annoying how clueless Ziva was.

"It's goad someone or get somebody's goat. Go look them up." Tony explained like a teacher would do, "Now, if you are done, get back to work."

It really was unnerving how Tony didn't let anything deflect him from his work and how serious, and _tired_ -if they were being honest-, he looked. It was becoming clear that Tony wasn't acting and wasn't goading them and they didn't know what to do since it was something totally new. They'd both planned to tease Tony about not going with them to Rick's hometown and getting to know him like they did; but finding him absent from his desk, the following week, had gotten in the way of their plans and now... Now that Tony was back he was different and they didn't know what had caused it and didn't know what to do to bring the old Tony back.

They'd both missed him the past three weeks and were still missing the old Tony since now the atmosphere of the bullpen was gloomy and Tony didn't share his ideas with them and just worked alone. Ziva was still clueless, but McGee knew if Tony went this way, he'd probably solve the case on his own, which not only made them look bad, it'd also mean that they were many steps behind him and that'd mean wasting their times on things that the SFA had already found out about; that'd, consequently, piss Gibbs off.

Tim was still fair enough to admit to himself that Tony was great at his job and his experience told him that the older man most probably spoke so much and shared his ideas as random references so that the others could catch up and suggest things, as well. Yes, he could admit it to himself, even though he never showed it to the outside world and even let himself forget it every time Tony acted like a frat boy.

"Are you alright, Tony?" Tim finally asked, thinking that maybe something bad had happened to lead to this drastic change in Tony's behavior; that'd also explain his sudden departure three weeks ago; he didn't know how right he was in thinking that; and he just had no idea that the thing that had caused this major alteration was their _own_ behavior finally becoming a wake-up call for Tony.

"Yes, Tim. I'm fine." Tony replied absently and monotonously, without looking away from his work.

Tim, unsurprisingly, was not convinced, neither Tony's tone was convincing, nor his behavior; and he'd called him _Tim_! But before he could address it, Gibbs strode into the bullpen and demanded answers on the case; thankfully Tony was able to provide some information; but the Team Leader was not happy that the other two members of his team were playing with their foods instead of getting done with it and getting back to work and he vocalized his anger clear enough for the whole floor to hear. What surprised them was Gibbs declaring that he was fine with just DiNozzo on his team and they could go find themselves another team if they couldn't at least pretend to be working on the case.

Gibbs usually didn't give praises openly; yet here he was; pretty much shouting how he appreciated his SFA and how he was the only one Gibbs needed; and if that hadn't shocked the junior agents, Tony's reaction sure did; The SFA didn't comment; he didn't joke and didn't thank their boss, smiling broadly; he merely frowned a bit at Gibbs; the older man was now sitting at his desk, paying no one any attention; then Tony shook his head like he, too, was surprised; and a second later, just like nothing had happened, he blinked; grabbed his phone to make some calls for their case and got back to work.

Those two things were enough to tell the junior agents that if they wanted to keep their jobs, they had to change their ways, too; because obviously, neither Gibbs, nor Tony were their old selves, anymore and if that was the case, they couldn't get away with anything they wanted.

.

By the time the night fell, everyone was exhausted and despite the progress they had made in the case, they had to pause because at that hour, nobody would answer any question, anymore and questioning people was what they needed to do again. So, Gibbs sent everyone home around 10 and ordered them to be back at 7, not a minute later.

Both McGee and Ziva left reluctantly; not because they weren't tired or didn't want to go home to be away from the office for a few hours; that they were happy about. No; they were reluctant because throughout the whole day, Tony had remained distant and hadn't joked around even once; he hadn't even laughed or cracked a smile at _their_ jokes; it was like he didn't hear a thing unless his name was called or what was being said was related to their case; so they hadn't expected a joke or a prank from him; but now, they knew how more tiring it was to work if they were all business and no fun; they knew how depressing it was if all they thought about were the crime scenes and their victims and it'd been just one day with Tony not caring about their words or their feelings; well, technically, it'd been three weeks, but those weeks Tony hadn't been there and so they'd hoped to have things return to normal once he was back; however, now he was there and he still hadn't done a thing to lighten the mood and hadn't done a thing to divert Gibbs' anger and grumpiness.

At this point, all they could hope for was that whatever was bothering the team's SFA would go away quickly and he'd go back to his high-spirited self, because now it was clear to them why Tony had always been so adamant about cracking jokes and why the worse their cases got, the goofier Tony acted.

They both were confident that Tony wouldn't remain like that for long; feeling sure that Tony was unable to remain distant and stoic for too long and that the moment his problem was solved, whatever it was; he'd automatically get back to his normal, jubilant self. What they didn't know was that they and their behavior had been the problem and therefore it wouldn't get resolved on its own.

Gibbs knew, though and even though he was now missing Tony's antics and regretted his words and behavior just as bad as he did when he'd found Tony's letter of resignation three weeks ago; he was glad that his SFA was at least still there; sure, he was solemn, somber and serious, but he hadn't left and that outcome would've been way worse, in Gibbs' eyes.

"You up for dinner?" He asked as they both started to walk towards the elevator; that'd mostly been why he'd dismissed the team for the night; he wanted a chance to be around Tony as a friend; not as his boss.

Startled, like he'd been lost in thoughts, Tony blinked with confusion. "What?"

Gibbs almost rolled his eyes; knowing the younger man, he was probably still thinking about different aspects of their case and was connecting the dots in his head. "Leave the case behind for a few hours, DiNozzo. Give yourself a break."

"I'm leaving, aren't I?"

"Physically." Gibbs growled. He never thought he'd tell someone to take a break, "Dinner at my place?"

"I... Um, I'm kinda tired, I was hoping-"

"You haven't eaten all day, DiNozzo. If you go home now, you'll go straight to bed."

"Well, yes, but-"

"Then come over; you can crash at my place after dinner."

"I don't think it's-" Tony stopped mid-sentence when he noticed the look in his boss' eyes; it was clear that the older man wasn't going to push and wouldn't insist anymore, not wanting for Tony to do something he wasn't comfortable doing; but apparently he'd be very disappointed if Tony didn't accept his invitation. "Uh, dinner sounds good, Boss. Thanks." He bit his lip; he'd just wanted to decline because he didn't want to impose, after all, not because he didn't want to be around Gibbs or didn't appreciate a proper meal and good company.

The strange look was instantly gone from Gibbs' eyes. "Then I'll see you there."

"I'll grab the beer." Tony announced and started to walk towards his own car.

"No need. I've got some." Gibbs replied and then paused; there was something he needed to know, "DiNozzo?" He called the younger man again, and after a brief hesitation, he asked, "It's not Stockholm syndrome, is it?"

"What?"

"You being back and staying. It's not because of Stockholm syndrome, is it?"

Tony studied the older man for a couple of seconds before shaking his head, looking both amused and frustrated. "No, Gibbs! It's called loyalty; I'm staying outta loyalty, not some hostage/captor syndrome." That's what he believed himself.

The gratitude in Gibbs' eyes was palpable at hearing those words. And to Tony's surprise, he said, "Even if you decided to leave someday, it wouldn't mean you weren't loyal. That'd just mean we didn't deserve that loyalty anymore."

Tony raised his eyebrows and stared at Gibbs; he didn't say anything, but his eyes told Gibbs that he'd been pleased with the older man's response, making Gibbs feel proud of himself for saying the right thing when it mattered.

"Glad you're back."

Tony smiled slightly and tilted his head.

"You won't regret it." Gibbs promised, sounding sincere and determined; he then turned around and walked away towards his car.

Tony remained standing in his place for a few more minutes, staring at the older man's back and then at his car's tail lights, dealing with a mixture of emotions; gratitude, surprise, doubt and trepidation being only a few of them. "I hope so, Boss. I really hope so." He finally muttered under his breath and exhaled deeply.

He'd wait and see; that's all he could do for now.

**.**

**.**

**The End...**

**.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is, finally, the last chapter of this story; I'm truly thankful for the support you gave me throughout this story and for your lovely and helpful comments; you guys are simply amazing. Thank you.
> 
> Except for all the mistakes, and the plot of this story, I own nothing!


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